I'm allowing myself a few days to be upset and accept how things will be for us now. Unfortunately I've already turned to food for comfort, per usual, and that needs to stop. DH and I are going to get the SA repeated next week just to be sure, and then go to a specialist and start saving money for sperm retrieval and IVF.
That means I will be going back to work. Hopefully I will be able to find a job here for less than a year...the job market is horrible here and no one is hiring. I'm feeling so depressed right now that I have no self confidence for job hunting, and feel like I will suck at my job when I go back.
I will be putting away or selling all my TTC things so I don't have to be reminded about it every day. I will also be starting my low carb diet again, and continuing with my walking, running etc 5-6 days a week. It's just going to take some time for me to switch gears (again) and get over being depressed. It's true what they say about depression, you get weird aches and pains everywhere, and feel run down/sick. I don't feel like doing anything at all, but when I do I just want to get out of the house. Sitting at home alone is the worst.
Maybe if I can lose another 30lbs this year it will make things easier if we have to go the IVF route
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